Inveja

I heard this from you so many times that I lost the count: "you are jealous"... You are jealous because my work allows me to go everywhere in the world. Because I have a better payment, actually, because I have a job. You are jealous because I can go out every night, hang out with my friends, get drunk and have fun. You are jealous because you are not so sharp as I am, to be honest, as sharp as you usually be. You are jealous...

And I think with myself how painful is hear this and how hard it is to explain how wrong you are and which are my truly reasons. My horrible English create that barrier that you just can't understand what I mean...

Well sweetheart... I had a life that I happily abandon to follow you. I had a promise that wasn't fulfilled. I open hand of my entire life to live in USA. After a year, full of excuses that for me only sound as muttering for my ears... Ok, you wasn't happy, the future scenario was dark as the ghost stories, we move to Asia.

I struggle to adapt, to create a routine. I only moved once in my entire life, and that was one year before come here. But I'm probably jealous of your ability to find new places, of your detachment.

End up that I finely find my way here. Create a life for me and ends up that here is not good enough for you. So (sooooooo) many bad things to said about such a small country. So here we are, on the road again, close to reach the end of the world, where, literally, civilization still miles away.

And I will need to fight for the rights that I had all my life. I am the one who will need to find my way. I am the one carrying the heavy bag so than you can enjoy your dream job.

I'm jealous of your poker night when you had so much fun with your friends until the point that you end up in a chinese karaoke bar. Yes... k-a-r-a-o-k-e-b-a-r... And with me, all the music in all the dance clubs are too bad (not for me, I can dance alone, right?), better stay with your friends in the bar...

And when in the next day (if) we go out you are as happy as today? None that I can remember... but I have a golden fish memory that only hold the bad moments.

Do we ever went out alone and actually had fun? Can't remember to be just a couple, there is always so many people around...

I'm not jealous. I'm bitter.