Inveja

I heard this from you so many times that I lost the count: "you are jealous"... You are jealous because my work allows me to go everywhere in the world. Because I have a better payment, actually, because I have a job. You are jealous because I can go out every night, hang out with my friends, get drunk and have fun. You are jealous because you are not so sharp as I am, to be honest, as sharp as you usually be. You are jealous...

And I think with myself how painful is hear this and how hard it is to explain how wrong you are and which are my truly reasons. My horrible English create that barrier that you just can't understand what I mean...

Well sweetheart... I had a life that I happily abandon to follow you. I had a promise that wasn't fulfilled. I open hand of my entire life to live in USA. After a year, full of excuses that for me only sound as muttering for my ears... Ok, you wasn't happy, the future scenario was dark as the ghost stories, we move to Asia.

I struggle to adapt, to create a routine. I only moved once in my entire life, and that was one year before come here. But I'm probably jealous of your ability to find new places, of your detachment.

End up that I finely find my way here. Create a life for me and ends up that here is not good enough for you. So (sooooooo) many bad things to said about such a small country. So here we are, on the road again, close to reach the end of the world, where, literally, civilization still miles away.

And I will need to fight for the rights that I had all my life. I am the one who will need to find my way. I am the one carrying the heavy bag so than you can enjoy your dream job.

I'm jealous of your poker night when you had so much fun with your friends until the point that you end up in a chinese karaoke bar. Yes... k-a-r-a-o-k-e-b-a-r... And with me, all the music in all the dance clubs are too bad (not for me, I can dance alone, right?), better stay with your friends in the bar...

And when in the next day (if) we go out you are as happy as today? None that I can remember... but I have a golden fish memory that only hold the bad moments.

Do we ever went out alone and actually had fun? Can't remember to be just a couple, there is always so many people around...

I'm not jealous. I'm bitter.

Vórtice

Ah esse vazio abismal que preenche a alma quando não há mais nada que te distraia da realidade.

O chinês e a capa de chuva

Saí domingo, sabia que ia chover mas não queria carregar minha sombrinha gigante prá lá e prá cá (vai que não chove), por isso peguei minha capinha de chuva recém encontrada (tantas lembranças), dessas que a gente usa pra ir nas Cataratas, a transparente, sabe?

Meio da missão, tcharam! Cai o mundo e eu faceira ponho minha capa. Convenhamos que ficar seca do joelho pra baixo era impossível mesmo com um guarda sol, mas pensei que minha bota a prova d'agua fosse segurar a parada (puééen).  No mais estava bem feliz com o resultado até prestar atenção ao me redor.

Sério... Chineses me olhavam como se eu fosse de Marte (alou? Quem é que vai de pijamas no mercado???). Não entendi mas nos dez blocos entre onde eu estava e o ponto de onibus eles chegavam a esquecer da chuva pra me olhar.

No ônibus emagreci uns dois quilos... Vai entender...

Chandelier

Descobri que quando tenho coisas sérias pra fazer, como trabalhar e planejar o futuro (ai que saco isso!) corro prá cá. Posto coisas, leio bobagens. Ah esse vórtice chamado internet!

Asas

Dia desses, folheando meu diário (aquele caderno que guarda os segredos pesados demais para serem postados aqui) achei essa poesia. Escrevi há tempos, mas certas coisas nunca mudam.

Certo dia ganhei asas e aprendi a voar,

Fui cada vez mais alto, cada vez mais longe

Até que um dia, enquanto planava pelo infinito

Arrancaram minhas asas e eu caí.

Machucou tanto!

Mas o que dói mais é não poder voltar a voar.

Falta um pouco de coesão, eu sei... mas achei bonitinho!